Feat; Feat is from Texas, but has neither tumbleweed nor a ten gallon hat. Instead, she owns a variety of small appliances, which she uses to create wondrous culinary masterpieces. Somewhat of a tyrant, Feat masquerades as Stalin on weekdays and Chairman Mao on weekends and national holidays. She has a love-hate relationship with Photoshop and makes the best manips the world has ever or will ever see. Currently, she is waging an all-out war with her arch nemesis, Pilates. Although she swears she is not a member of the Dixie Chicks, we are onto her ruse. Once she conquers her own body, she will then take on American pop music. On the weekends, she enjoys plotting a variety of ways to stalk Oliver Phelps that may or may not include the liberal application of canned whipped cream.
Bee; Bee is an aspiring world dictator with a passion for music, which means she is everyone’s top neighbour on Last.fm. Bee’s passions include taking over the world, listening to obscure music, hating on Fall Out Boy, and eating PB&J sandwiches for lunch. She is married to Lew, who takes both cash and certified cheques in payment for humpz with Bee. Prone to overexcitement and/or fits of rage, when dealing with Bee, one must always keep a picture of hot pilots or marines OR hot pilots in marine outfits close at hand for revival and/or calming purposes. Friday is her worst day of the week when Battlestar Galactica airs in the US but not in Canada, and she is forced to wait for a torrent. Bee does not enjoy waiting. She does, however, enjoy cutting the arms off Jamie Bamber’s shirts and mocking stupid icon trends on Livejournal. Exploiting her friends for graphics related purposes is her mode d’etre.
Lew; Lew is what is known as "criminally genius" or "barking mad" depending upon who you ask. Her cleverness knows no bounds and it is not often that she is at loss for brilliant plans to kidnap celebrities that include, but are not limited to, using skateboards, freezer boxes, chloroform, and piranhas. Since she is English, her logic is always faultless and it is best to not incite her rage or she with barrage you with very angry e-mails until you cave and are out-Englished. Lew enjoys eating chocolate with chili powder and the best way to win her heart is to send many large packages of crackrocks (or, as the common people call them, "jelly beans") to her home. Although she has a blinding hatred for all things mathematic, she has warm, squishy place in her heart for geometry. Her pastimes include drunken phonecalls, stalking Gary Oldman, and snuggling with her dribbly Elsaboo.
Cali; Cali has the high honor of being the sister to the infamous John Tran, arch nemesis of Darcy. When she is not contemplating pushing John and Tuan (her other, less interesting brother) down the stairs, she can be found at the University of Toronto, studying English and pwning morons who think that classroom message boards are the place to write their philosophical novels on how to exploit helpless women in the guise of advice. One day Cali will travel to Scotland and whisk David Tennant off his feet and they will live happily ever after with many beautiful mini-azn babies. Until then, she makes copious numbers of beautiful icons and watches an excessive number of films. In lieu of David Tennant, she will settle for Ioan Grufudd, her other true love. Although she has only seen fifteen minutes of the miniseries, episode one, and one two-minute clip of joyous hot pilot grobzing, Cali also writes Kara/Lee Battlestar Galactica fanfiction for her friends. She does not enjoy painting bathrooms, but anything Doctor Who (especially mummies who crush people with their boobs or the Tenth Doctor) will cheer her up. She keeps a hate list, but refuses to divulge the contents. She would like you to know that no one cares about gay cowboys.
Sarah; Sarah is a lovely and charming Catholic School Girl with both wit and poise. No, she will not take a picture for you in her school uniform, but she will talk to you for hours upon end about The West Wing. She is known for taking bizarre themed pictures with her friends and holds a deep vendetta against THE NUN (not to be confused with nuns in general). Her life is "orgasmic like Jesus" and she plans to attend an institute of higher education in the fall that will allow her to meet this mythical creature "boy". While I fear this may come as a let down, she is eagerly counting the days.
Emma; Emma’s life goal is to blow up her computer by downloading every song known to man. Currently, her computer seems to be winning the race, but Emma feels that her English tenacity will see her through to the end. When she is not downloading music, Emma attends university, where she studies creative writing. In the summers, she is a general danger to society as she is allowed to run and operate rollercoasters, which she does with zest and glee.
Fuzzy; Fuzzy has recently become addicted to knitting and is thus prone to explode at buy-one-get-one-free sales on yarn. She is an avid pet owner and loves them all unconditionally, even when they eat her things or escape. Fuzzy has been banished to a basement and been forced to defend herself against the oppression of concrete. Recently, she has redecorated and is much pleased with the results.
Darcy; Darcy will one day be that teacher that you loved in high school; that is, if she can ever bring herself to leave the university system and its rocking-cool nerdy lifestyle. Currently, she is torturing Chinese students by teaching them how to speak English, while, at her apartment, her mattress is torturing her into thinking it isn’t actually a rock disguised as a bed. Don’t let her emo princess hair fool you; Darcy is a hardcore nerd and owns a collection of ironic tee shirts to prove it. When she is not thinking up new ways to torture her underlings, she can be found foaming at the mouth over world politics and thinking up new and clever away messages for AIM. She enjoys ponies and rainbows, especially the two in combination. For a lonely robot living in a terrarium, she sure gets out a lot. Please don’t tap her glass.
Joey;
Herm;
Amber;
Whitney; Whitney is a drive-by Crack Chatter, coming into chat and going off randomly like a tommy gun in the ghetto. She also holds the illustrious position of Lew's arch nemesis. When she isn't being tortured by her Aunt Dippy, Whitney attends university, where she tries to pretend the world is sane (to no avail). Lew would like to inform you that Whitney will never be head of wigs.
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